A New Chapter

all pics c/o my trusty iphone 6
If y’all follow along s + s’ Instagram, then you know I took my little ladies to NYC this week.  And while it initially started out as a trip focused around NYFW, it quickly became something much more.  Much more important than fashion week.  Much more important than anything quite frankly.  Much more meaningful; it became a new chapter.

I always preface my more ‘personal’ posts with a warning…because I feel vulnerable writing about anything other than clothing and simplistic, one dimensional things…and by no means am I a writer or poetic..I pretty much just ramble.  But there’s life.  Life comes at you so damn quickly.  And life came at myself, Chase, and Campbell faster than we could have ever prepared for.  Their father passed away one month ago.  At night, after he left them the sweetest message saying, “Goodnight to my sweet babies and please tell the girls I love them from here to the moon and I’ll see them Thursday night.”  One hour after he left that message for my children, his heart stopped and he was gone.
And so there I was left after the phone call from his brother and starting a new chapter of our life.  After wailing so loud outside I could barely catch my breath.  After seeing him one last time at the hospital to tell him I would take care of our girls and keep his memory alive in their hearts always.  I was left to tell my sweet, spirited, precious girls that their father that they adored was in Heaven.  How do you prepare?  How do you find the right words?  You don’t.   You can’t.  They had already been through so very much in their little lives with our divorce and I had to shatter their world once again.
And while the three of us snuggled and cried so very hard in bed the morning after and talked about Dad and where he was and how he was watching over them and always would be their guardian angel, I had to put my game face on (literally I did…we played Candy Land a zillion times–who knew it’d be so therapeutic).  I had the responsibility of preparing my daughters for their father’s funeral, what the days to come would look like, what to expect, the things they’d see and hear, the people they’d meet, and how we would be ‘OK.’  We would without a doubt be just fine and we would survive this, this new chapter.  Because there is so much damn love between the three of us..as is with any mother/daughter trio.  And because I will do whatever it takes to ensure my girls have a beautiful life.  One filled with love, laughter, adventure, and family.  And yes, our new normal is yet again different…but I firmly believe in God’s plan and I know He’s got quite the plan for the three of us.  I simply know it.
So if after being so very heavy hearted, I may take a moment to talk about the good that this last month has shown us in our new chapter.  Where do I begin?  First and foremost, my friends and family.  Good Lord, y’all, we are so damn blessed.  They have scooped us up and held us so tightly.  When you have friends that come over the day after with food in tow, take down your Christmas Tree (um, yes, I’m one of those that leaves that bastard up until late January) just like they did during your divorce, clean your house, and bring their kiddies to play with mine and let them be normal kids and laugh and play…it’s just–there are truly no words.  No words for my girlfriends in Lexington (Ashley, Susannah, Allison, McK, Katherine, plus a slew of others), my best friend, Jenn, who flew up the next day and painted the girls’ nails and was the perfect dose of fun for them, my mother who also flew up for almost three weeks to hold down the fort and to deal with ‘me’, Matt who was my rock during the hardest month of my life, my brother, sister, and father who were with me in spirit, the girl’s School, LCA, their friends’ families, my friends in Florida, NYC, Chicago, everyone’s heartfelt messages on FB, Insta, etc—it has without a doubt been the most humbling experience to witness the outpouring of love for Chase and Campbell and I cannot thank you all more.  I just cannot.  They have seen what a community does during tragedy–you rally, you love, you support, and you help, you laugh…and you don’t take no for an answer.  My gratitude will never be enough, but I certainly hope these words are a small token of the true love and appreciation I feel for each and every one of you!
Fast Forward to New York which was booked for NYFW previously and it occurred to me—what a wonderful opportunity to take a little adventure with Chase & Cam.  And that is exactly what we did!  We stayed with my best friend from childhood, Brooke, and truly just had one of the most amazing times in this new chapter.  We explored, we shopped, we Broadway Play’d, we American Girl’d, we museum’d, we Ice Skated in Rockefeller, we hailed cabs (their fave), we laughed, we were silly, we just had an absolute blast.  It was such a gift to see them love NYC like I do and experience such a vibrant city through their eyes.  But moreso, it was such a gift to see them have fun.  Chase said to me as we were ice skating, “Mom, this has been the most amazing day.”  I only hope it’s the first of many more to come in our New Chapter.

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